You have this friend.
She cries, she laughs, she jokes and sometimes makes fun of herself just to make people laugh
and she cries again.
But she’s always that friend who’s okay with everything.
You put her in an uncomfortable situation, she tells you it’s okay
You tell her something that you actually know may hurt her a bit, but she tells you it’s okay
You forget about her, she tells you it’s okay.
She’s okay, most of the time.
Because she’ll never tell you when she’s not
She’ll never show you when she’s not
She wants to get mad. She wants to yell at everyone. She wants to find the blame. She wants to pull the trigger.
But she can’t. She desperately wants to
but she can’t.
So instead, she pulls her blanket and twists it on her fists
She curls into a ball and digs her head on her pillow
She tries to breathe normally, even when her tears won’t let her, she tries
Her heart aches inside but she swear it also aches the way it does when you hit yourself into something hard
but she breathes from her mouth making herself believe that she’s breathing it all out
It tastes so bitter. So odd. So ruined. So lifeless.
But she doesn’t tell you that. She can’t tell you that.
Because she believes that,
until you can keep it to yourself
until it doesn’t make any mess
until you can still wake up in the morning
until you can still forget for awhile