Eleven fifty nine of the tenth of eight; Phobia

I used to be afraid of heights

The distance from a safe ground and nothing to hold on to for support,

just visualizing it can already get me dizzy and feeling like the whole world’s turning dark

and I can only wait until I could no longer breathe.


But then I got to know you.


And I could not stop trying to reach every high peak of buildings I see and imagining myself on top of every mountain I find in google

I sit on every corner and every edge, with my feet swinging midair that it felt a lot like flying

I duck my head out from windows just to feel how cold it is when you’re in a high place than it is when you’re on the ground

I once fell from at least 4 feet high and got bruised and had a broken arm for months

But I needed that

I needed to know I could still feel

Because after I fell for you, I settled.

I settled for physical pain and faced my fear of heights

Because it is much more bearable than having a broken heart that cannot be saved by pain relievers and band aids that cannot heal this kind of scar.


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