To a love a year and a half ago

We could have been the book with a page dedicated to the book “Strawberry Fields Forever” because it led us to each other. Apparently, it’ll only go through a couple of pages. It does have an ending, but the span is cut too short to consider calling it a story, to begin with.

I found my ipod, and far more than forgotten songs, unread ebooks, and games notifying me that I’ve been gone for a long time and that they miss me.

I found your messages, and messages I didn’t send. To make more sense of this, I found memories fluttering around my head. But looking back, most of the things in my life have already changed, and I’d like to thank you for a few things, besides being part of my life.

I may have not found a strawberry field, but I now believe in Dear Prudence, partly, because of you.

You were right about me needing more time alone. I’ve always feared being or feeling alone. I still do, on some occasions, but I learned to appreciate those times because then, I get to think deeper and without any influence from other people. I learned deciding based only from what’s in my head and my heart.

You were right about me needing to find myself. I know I still have a lot of dreams to chase, but I’ve gained the courage to go for what I truly want despite the fears, doubts, and difficulties. I didn’t need anyone to push me nor someone to remind me I’m doing what’s right. I actually just needed to believe in myself, and I did.

You were right about me needing to be on my own. I learned to not depend on anyone, when you told me that I can’t always have someone to be there for me. I learned to be brave and to stand on my own even if there wouldn’t be anyone to back me up. I learned to grow up on my own without having anyone ready to catch me from all the falls I’ve had. That made me strong.

And you were right about me deserving better. You were right about you, not being right for me. You’ll always be a part of me, but I’ve accepted that we reached our end line, and I had to move forward without you. I used to think little of myself, but I learned to love myself first, before anything or anyone else.

Thank you for letting me know I wasn’t your first and only choice, because then, I would have settled for less. But ever since, I’ve been looking forward to far better things. A lot more than what I can think of, and a love that exceeds the love I can give.

I know I deserve more than all the “I can’t wait to be with you”, “I just need to see you”, “you’re beautiful” and “I’m here for you”.

I believe I deserve a real, and complete love.

Yes, you knew I used to think so negatively of things and liked to dwell on the sad parts in my life, but now, I’ve learned and decided to “come out to play” (trying to make a Beatlenerd reference here, sorry)

 

 

*Dear reader: Listen to: Dear Prudence (and read the lyrics) to somewhat understand the reference

I barely like other versions of The Beatles’ songs, but this is one of the exceptions: Dear Prudence (Across the Universe)

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