To that friend

I know I’m not supposed to feel this way towards you. Believe me, this isn’t in my control either. I wouldn’t want to trade our friendship over any risk, when I know this isn’t mutual.

Just so you know, or maybe you wont, but just to be clear, I am not one to make a move on someone I like. So all the assumptions about me trying to win you, is merely a bad thought, because I am positive that I haven’t done that or will actually never do that (another clarification is that I wont, unless I’m already guaranteed that there really is something).

I hate how things are right now. How we don’t talk anymore even when we’re just inches away from each other- when we used to talk every minute or with every chance we get.

Used to.

In just a short time, everything became a ‘used to’ without even a word on why and how it got this far- how we got this distant.

I still have a feeling that things will eventually work out and go back the way they are, but it’s such a dismay, how we’ve let things go this way.

and at times, I look at you, and miss you.

I try so hard not to grab you from your seat and just hug you. Not because I like you, but because I miss you.

So bad.

What happened to us being such clingy friends, talking about how we want our hair to look like, about the surprises we never got and our plan to do it to each other on our birthdays, to the inside jokes and jokes we ride on just to lessen the shame of making a bad one.

I want to make things clear with you, but I don’t know when. There was a point where I actually didn’t have any hesitation on talking to you. But now, I don’t know if there’s any right or wrong timing for this.

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